Recently, a series of unfortunate events have necessitated that my family pack up all our belongings and move away from the blissfully perfect home that we began inhabiting only two short years ago following my stroke (see past post: The House That God Built). Currently, we are still in the packing up stage of this scenario, and we do not yet know where we are going with all our boxed belongings come the middle of October. You don't have to be a 31-year-old mother of a 4-year-old daughter who just got established in an excellent Montesorri preschool, whose involvement in her church gives her life focus and meaning to comprehend the heart-wrenching pain and disappointment caused by moving unexpectedly from the home and community in which you believed you would grow old happily with your spouse enjoying the bounty of God's blessing while raising your family. Although my husband and I have claimed God's provision and good and perfect plan for our lives from the onset of this storm timed so perfectly two years after the last massively damaging storm front passed through our lives, we find ourselves struggling to submit to these life events with the same peace and assurance as we where able during the last storm. By the way, we are hoping a biannual storm pattern has not established itself in God's plan for our lives!
Just this morning as I took in the beautiful sight created by the early morning sun transforming the unharvested, dried corn stalks in the field bordering our property into shimmering gold dancing, in the cool, autumn breeze, to the sound track of twittering birds, I mourned like I hadn't yet in the three weeks since my life's course had been set in this direction. The tears that streaked down my face spoiling my seldom worn make-up where tailed closely by guilt for failing to be filled with God's peace and joy as I faced uncertain circumstances with God at my side, so later that morning while awaiting my teaching time during the Sunday morning youth program at my church, I was thouroughly blessed to hear this scripture from Nehemiah recording the Godly prophet Nehemiah's response to learning of his home's destruction. Nehemiah 1:3-4 They said to me, " Those who survived the exhile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down, and its gates have been burnedwith fire." When I heard these things I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven. This spoke to me that my mourning was normal and okay but that I was missing two essential components to the equation of victoriously facing such overwhelming disappointment, so this week I am committed to adding a time of fasting and prayer to my regimine of mourning while I pack and gratefully recognize the perfection of the time of excessive blessing that is passing. I will fast not from food but from the use of facebook and will spend time in scripture and prayer each time I long to log on to my favorite social network. I will begin by reading the book of Nehemiah because this book of the Bible seems to have special significance to my current situation, and through careful consideration of this ancient man's interaction with God as he attempts to rebuild from the rubble and ashes the city that once stood for the glory of God and the protection of his people, I will follow his lead as I attempt to put the pieces of my shattered life back together in a manner that honors God and fits into his good and perfect will for mine, Tim, and Lili's life!:)